Alberta Politics

Webster’s Announces Alberta Specific Definition of Feminism

The editors of Webster’s Dictionary have announced a new definition of feminism that will be found in all Alberta bound editions of their latest dictionary. 

Following a widely panned interview with Calgary Herald Journalist Chris Varcoe in which Energy & Truth Ministry head Sonya Savage seemed perplexed about publicly traded companies prioritizing share buybacks and corporate profits over job creation, the Government funded Energy War Room flexed its muscles with the longstanding authority on the English language. 

The new definition will be “A feminist is someone who never questions failing policy decisions of a conservative woman” – a definition that seems oddly in conflict with the Government’s stated love for free speech.

“A real feminist would never criticize another woman for making a poor policy choice,” said Savage. 

Government apologist Ariella Kimmel also chimed in that women who had different policy perspectives were mean and that this was tantamount to calling them dumb.

Despite blowing a $4.5 billion-dollar hole in government revenues, and job losses of more than 14,000 last month alone, the United Conservatives were still reassuring voters the jobs were coming back real soon. 

“Despite having the lowest tax regime in the country, and no evidence to date that our tax breaks are bringing back jobs, we will proceed with cutting taxes for large multinationals by another 3% over the next three years as we promised our generous donors,” said Premier Jason Kenney.

“We hope these tax breaks will spur the price of oil back to $100 a barrel and we can continue the proud Conservative tradition of pissing away the good times while fooling Albertans into thinking we know anything about fiscal prudence!” he concluded. 

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