In what may have been the fastest lane change in history, over one million Albertans have collectively decided that the next time they go to the polls, ethics will matter more than the economy.
“Trudeau says he broke ethics laws to protect jobs?” Alberta’s Premier laughed at the question from a Postmedia columnist who didn’t vote for him in the Leadership race. “Everyone knows you don’t break ethics laws to protect jobs” Kenney said with a wink.
“We have kept our promises,” Kenney told a crowd who used to hold oil and gas support rallies, “and we are as disappointed as everyone else that our policies are not creating jobs.”
“Of course it’s not our fault. We repealed the job-killing policies of the NDP so Trudeau must be the one to blame.”
The crowd began to chant “Tru-dope! Tru-dope!”
The Premier basked in the glory of the whole, his arms either beckoning the crowd’s ire or willing them to quiet.
“I may have once said that the Prime Minister had the ‘political depth of a finger bowl’ but I apologized because that’s what’s expected when your personal beliefs make national headlines and embarrass your province,” Kenney said solemnly.
“And don’t worry,” he hurried on, “I have nothing else to apologize for.”
“We need to make this next election count,” Kenney continued, “the economy no longer matters. It’s not about pipelines or jobs anymore… this time, this election, it’s about ethics.”
Raising his voice over the nervous murmurs, Kenney explained.
“We want a government, I mean a federal government, who will act ethically! We deserve a federal government who is as ethical as we are – I mean as ethical as you are!” The crowd didn’t seem to warm up to the new direction.
“You would abide by the law; you wouldn’t put corporate interests first for personal gain, would you?” The silent crowd stared nervously at their feet.
Kenney anxiously switched gears saying, “I mean you should be able to expect a federal government will govern in your interests, not some Liberal donor from Quebec!” The crowd perked up and a few people cheered.
“We want a Prime Minister to stand up for Alberta against corporate – I mean, Quebec’s interests! Because this next election isn’t about the economy, this election is about ethics!”
This post is satire.
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