Alberta Officially No Longer Rat Free

The Alberta Government under the leadership of Premier Jason Kenney and Energy Minister of Truth Sonya Savage have ended the program to keep Alberta rat free today. 

It was announced on Twitter, “which no one cares about anyway,” says Director of Issues Creation Matt Wolf, that the government’s War Room had partnered with the Commissioner of UnAlbertan Activities, Steve Allen, to start up the official Alberta UnAlbertan Activities Ratline. 

People who have evidence that someone has undertaken an UnAlbertan Activity are being encouraged to visit and give details of their activities. 

The Alberta Energy War Room will then use bitumen fueled drones to conduct precision strikes on Alberta’s enemies based on the data that is collected. 

Former Prime Minister Stephen Harper was the first person to be reported for having gutted environmental legislation that has caused Alberta’s energy infrastructure projects to become mired in legal limbo, but Premier Kenney issued a Ministerial pardon for him. 

Kenney was the second person reported for his role in forming and approving the current equalization deal while he was a member of the federal cabinet. 

“That’s not how this is supposed to work, you over-caffeinated lefties!” Kenney screamed as he was dragged off to the Gopher Museum Gulag by Alberta Sheriffs. 

This post contains 100% pure snark.

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