Alberta Politics Canadian Politics Satire

Alberta to Feed Hungry School-kids Bitumen

Education Minister Adriana LaGrange announced today that the Alberta Government will be continuing the school nutrition pilot that was started under the former NDP Government, with minor modifications. 

“We know that students need to be well fed to be able to learn successfully and we are so happy to provide pure Alberta Energy to our young learners,” said LaGrange. 

“Starting this September, we will be serving pure nutritious bitumen bites (bitumites) to our students at the start of each day.”

A representation of what a bitumite might look like.

“This will ensure that our students have the ethical Alberta Energy they need to learn each day, and also help to support an expedited end to our curtailment program.”

The program is expected to continue to cost $15.5 million per year based on the current price of Western Canadian Select, though may fluctuate with the market. 


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