Canada Votes 2019 Canadian Politics Satire

Conservatives Plan for Future Candidate Controversies

Conservative Party Leader Andrew Scheer has worked with his campaign team to try and proactively mitigate several impending disastrous days of media coverage related to candidates saying stupid shit online. 

As it turns out, about 70% of the nominated CPC candidates thought they had signed up to run FROM office, not FOR office, and as such they weren’t worried about scrubbing their social media profiles, or you know, not saying dumb shit online. 

As a result, the CPC deployed conservative Shadow Defensive Minister Candace Bergen to tell people that no one cares about these controversies in the media. 

“Except the queers, the radical Islamists, and the cancerous feminazis, screw those so called people,” she said in an interview with Rebel Media, after no legitimate news organizations would return her call.

Scheer and his team have set up a dedicated media hotline, using the latest in Artificial Intelligence, where reporters can call and indicate what kind of offensive comments have been made, and the candidate’s name, and then a canned “sorry you were offended” response in the Leader’s voice will be transmitted automatically to all media outlets of record. 


This post contains no satire.

You can follow me on FacebookTwitter, and subscribe to the Political RnD Podcast on Google PlayApple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts

If you wish to support my work by making a one-time or recurring donation you can do so here

Advertisements

0 comments on “Conservatives Plan for Future Candidate Controversies

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: