Since the Liberals are now in the hot seat for egregious errors in judgement, Scheer has rescinded his pledge to forgive people who apologize.
“I think we’ll be able to show that the Conservative candidates are held to a much higher standard than someone who dressed up as a Disney character,” Scheer happily told media on his campaign bus.
Vibrating with joy, Scheer tried focus.
“I’ve reached out to almost every Premier in the country tonight to tell them the goo.. uh, to inform them of this despicable injustice carried out by the Prime Minister,” he said, trying to keep from smiling.
“Every one of them was shocked – aghast even – for the many people they represent who should be offended by this. And they represent almost everyone in Canada from the east coast to the Trans Mountain Pipeline construction.”
“I, for one, know I speak for many, if not all, Canadians when I say that I am appalled at his honesty,” he said in all seriousness.
“Did you hear he admitted to doing it twice? Twice! Just came right out and admitted to doing it more than once!” He exclaimed in genuine awe.
“That’s why I, as the leader of the Conservative Party of Canada, decided earlier today that apologies are no longer acceptable for past transgressions.”
When asked if that put his own apology for comparing same sex marriage to a dog tail in a new light, Scheer stood a little taller and leaned closer to the microphone.
“You must have me confused with someone else,” he said with a wink, “I never apologized.”
This post is satirical. Probably.
Note: this piece was completed before the third instance of Trudeau’s blackface in print was dropped.
Deirdre is a political commentator, columnist, reporter, and podcaster in Alberta. She relies on facts, snarky Twitter, and satire to share knowledge and a laugh.
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“That’s why I’m making a pledge to Canadians right now to no longer accept apologies for anything people did 15 years ago.”