American Politics

President Trump leaves hospital-ity suite after beating Covid in record time

A-MER-I-CA!- He’s the host-est with the most-est Covid and he’s ready to get back on the campaign trail after a 72-hour stay in a luxury hospital-ity suite that most Americans could only dream of if they became ill.

While lesser Americans are asked to self-isolate for 10 days (or until symptoms disappear, whichever is greater), much like hospital bills and HMOs, it doesn’t apply to the President – proving once and for all that elderly males with comorbidities can beat the virus if they just have access to the best medical care American taxes can provide.

After being mostly silent on Twitter for what must have seemed an eternity over the weekend, President Trump rallied back on Monday morning with a series of ALL CAPS partial-sentence tweets, signaling his return to business as usual.

“Feeling really good!” The President tweeted.

“Don’t be afraid of Covid. Don’t let it dominate your life.”

Trump, who only a week ago was forced to admit he paid $750 in taxes in 2016, noted how lucky he was to have access to the “really great drugs” that all Americans who can claim a $72 million refund also have.

The President tweeted out numerous photos of himself “working” throughout his bare three-day stay, telling staff that if he can work while infected, they should be logging in the time as well.

Trump also assured the fake news that Secret Service Agents he may have infected will also get to have access to care – if he doesn’t need them to taxi him about for a photo-op.

However, if Trump can beat Covid with experimental drugs and a gaggle of medical experts waiting around to provide medical care if he needs it, then no one should complain if they get Covid.

“We have miracles – miracles,” Trump said to those with easy access to top-tiered medical facilities.

White House staff that isn’t currently taking time off to deal with their Covid infections were super thrilled the President would be coming back so soon and were assured they would be outfitted with appropriate personal protective equipment just like hospital workers use when dealing with Covid patients since he is still likely infectious for at least another week.

Meanwhile, Trump’s campaign was last seen googling “do we have to ask permission to play ‘I’m a survivor’ at the next rally if everyone already thinks he’s a survivor”.

This post is satire.

Deirdre Mitchell-MacLean is a political commentator physically distancing in Southern Alberta who used to live in the U.S. but was all paranoid about her kids growing up around unregulated guns and having a crap-shoot at decent education, so, she moved back to Canada. True story. 

God Bless Americans. Please vote.

Connect: @Mitchell_AB for more, @thisweekinAB for posts

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