Alberta Politics Satire

Tens of Albertans Try to Join Republican Party After Confusing Premier’s Office Twitter for Trump

A few petulant twitter accounts claiming to be from Alberta were saddened to discover they could not become registered Republicans in the United States. It appears the basket-full of Trump supporters thought the “Official” Twitter account of the Alberta Premier’s Office was actually run by Donald Trump and they could now become expat members. 

Alberta Premier Jason Kenney admitted the account was verified so he or his staff could troll Albertans and members of the Opposition without making the Premier look bad. 

“Hey, those who like Trump really, really, really like him” the Premier’s Official account said via DM, adding “it may or may not be the Premier dishing out these amazing burns and harassment; it’s called ‘plausible deniability’ for legal purposes.”

After mocking the “socialists” the unknown respondent agreed to go on the record; sort of. 

“Keyboard bullies like to think their leader has the brass knackers to say shit about people anonymously. And if it goes too far, we can simply ‘fire’ the ‘staffer’ that said something ‘wrong’.”

In response to the request to identify themselves, they said their “power comes from anonymity. I could be anyone you want – I could even vote for anyone you want if you just give me the name and address of people you know.”

When asked if they actually did that, a gibberish response of letters and symbols came through with brief half sentences suggesting the internet connection was bad and they would get back to the interview after getting off the elevator.

“So as I was saying” they continued, “Albertans should be able to register with the Republican Party. We’re one big happy family and I’m going to tell Trump that if Russ- I mean Americans can have a say, we should too. brb press conference”

Unfortunately I was on an important call when the next flurry of messages came in. 

 “Did you see the way I belittled the Trudeau government? Right to the camera that will broadcast it on TV and maybe Trudeau will even see it!” 

“I mean him. Did you see what he did?” 

“I wish there was an edit function.”

“That was off the record.”

“We totally fired that guy from before. I’m new.”

“Hello?”

“Whatever; I have Albertans to troll” 

“We totally fired that last guy. I’m new and very busy because I have to educate people who hate Alberta with their so shall ism and their in-vitro-mentalism hey Matt look what it wrote when I said that no don’t send that”

“We totally fired that guy from before, I’m new, please send $5”

So we’ll likely never know who runs the Premier’s Official Office account but we know the Premier is absolutely willing to stand up for all Albertans except socialists, environmentalists, those who didn’t vote for him, people with differing opinions, LGBTQ kids, teachers who worked on the new curriculum, teachers who wanted the new curriculum, public servants, unions, academics, and people who expected him to actually cut his wages just because he said he would. 

Satire. 

Deirdre Mitchell-MacLean

contact: dmaclean@countersign.ca

Twitter: @Mitchell_AB for all of the commentary; @thisweekinAB for posts; @PoliticalRnD for tweets by anonymous staffers.

 

 

 

   

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