Dear Jason Kenney, Premier of Alberta;
Please accept a heartfelt apology for my laggardness in writing to thank you and your Alberta Conservative Caucus for coming to my aid when I was unable to stand on my own.
Alas, these days, it seems I am being pulled in so many different directions that I have resigned myself to the fact that I am destined to be the statue and never the pigeon.
I assuredly would have wept at your conviction against violent mobs, relayed by many media outlets across the country thanks to my having been in Montreal at the time, but my eyes are no longer what they used to be.
Speaking of which, though I know you haven’t, I thought I might ask about the wellbeing of citizens in your province, of the Red Deer region, if I recall, after what is rumoured to be an attack by a mob this Sunday last. While, surely, they are not of my stature, as one leader to another, we must at least make appearances of equal governance for all – lest the citizenry decides the heads that roll must be our own.
I am not ashamed to admit I felt hollow inside before you berated the “extreme far left” for similar acts of violence against my kind while bravely speaking to the “rights, freedoms, privileges and prosperity” they all enjoy while adhering to our ideologies.
I, myself, was as speechless then as you have become now.
While I never could have thought it possible, you displayed more brass than I by making such a grand gesture as to offer to protect me under your leadership, should I choose to make my home in Alberta.
I can assure you that I have little inclination to chisel away at the veneer of righteousness that your government employs and applaud your ingenuity in training the Wolf Brigade to do the heavy lifting. The expense is surely worth the satisfaction of tearing the dissenters down.
Your words, Premier, have made me feel like one of the privileged few who can always count on leaders such as yourself to do, and say, the right thing.
In these most uncertain times, it is a testament to your character that you, an esteemed leader, would take the time to speak with such passion against my attackers; I am sure you had other things of importance to attend, yet you singled out my predicament as worthy of your time.
I am truly humbled, but not yet convinced I deserve to be placed on a pedestal.
With some chagrin, I confess I cannot think of any other leader who has spent more energy protecting the past than the future, and for that, I await in anticipation the day when we can enjoy a tete-a-tete and determine how I may be of further use to you.
Fare thee well, dear Premier, I shall never forget your willingness to display such reverence for my kind with a permanent display on the grounds of the Alberta Legislature – I know I speak for many when I say there is little doubt for whom your government will stand.
Yours in mutual silence,
Sir John A. MacDonald, Statue
Montreal, Quebec, 23 September, 2020
This post is satire.
Deirdre Mitchell-MacLean is a political commentator physically distancing in Southern Alberta. Connect: @Mitchell_AB for more, @thisweekinAB for posts