Conservative Leader Shocked People Believe What He Said

Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer held a media availability this afternoon at Pearson airport to address the week-old controversy surrounding his previous statements on gay marriage and abortion.

Scheer’s appearance after over a week in hiding, carries on a long Conservative tradition of expressing shock and dismay when Liberals use their own words against them. 

“How could anyone possibly doubt my words about gay marriage and abortion, when I am crystal clear that I will repeal the carbon tax as the first act of a Conservative government?” asked Scheer, rhetorically we’re sure. 

The controversy flared even further when an interview with leaders of a pro-birth organization surfaced today that stated they had clear assurances from Scheer that backbench and cabinet ministers would have free votes on private member’s bills that addressed the forced birth of women with unwanted pregnancies. 

Deputy leader Lisa Raitt jumped to Scheer’s defense on Twitter, boldly proclaiming that “There’s only about a 6% chance that we will defund abortion if we form government, based on the rate at which we allowed Private Member’s Bills to be passed when Harper was in charge.”

It’s worth noting that Scheer is to Harper what Crystal Pepsi is to Pepsi, and so the chances of him controlling the monkeys in that circus are not encouraging. 

This post contains a satirical take on the facts.

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