The Conservative Party of Canada released its platform today announcing $53 billion in decreased spending. On the chopping block are inefficiencies, waste and luxury cubicles.
“We want to balance the budget within four years but we also want to hand out tax cuts; therefore we need to cut more than would otherwise be necessary,” stated a Party press release.
“Our top priority is getting rid of the luxury cubicles that take up hundreds of thousands of square feet across the country.”
One potential option is creating bunk cubicles to make better use of currently unused space between the floor and ceiling.
“Our internal data show many public servants are below average height and we believe that we could fit two, maybe even three vertical cubicles in some regions,” the release continued.
“Stacking people in smaller spaces will also help us achieve our goal of reducing operational expenses. We’re going to cut heat in the winter because the public servants be close enough to benefit from body heat.”
“We’re also looking to replace the fabric-covered styrofoam with clear plexi-glass so we can remove the need for interior lighting.”
Additionally, the Party would no longer use consultants, realizing they can just appoint them to ridiculously paid assistant roles or create crown corporations for them to run instead.
This post is satire.
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