CPC Hopes Canadians will Elect Their First American Prime Minister

Conservatives from around the country descended on Ontario this weekend to campaign for their leader in a province that matters, politically speaking.

Conservative Party of Canada leader, Andrew Scheer, whose reputation as a highly respected insurance broker took a hit at the beginning of the week, became the focus in another controversy that was not at all Canadian. 

Reports surfaced on Thursday that in addition to being a Canadian citizen, Andrew Scheer is also an American citizen, making him the first American citizen to actually be in the position of becoming Prime Minister of Canada; EVER. 

When asked why he lied about being an insurance broker but never mentioned he had dual citizenship, Andrew Scheer said lots of people asked about his former credentials but no one ever asked if he halved his patriotic loyalty with a neighbouring, yet separate, country.

Scheer and his team went into damage control mode claiming dual citizenship has never been a problem unless the person holding dual citizenship is not a Conservative. 

“Andrew Scheer never expected this to become an issue,” said a Party press release. “We can agree on the fact that he made it an issue in 2005 when Michaelle Jean was appointed Governor General, and he was a member of caucus when Stephen Harper made dual citizenship an issue for Michael Ignatieff in 2009, and Tom Mulcair and Stephane Dion in 2015.”

“However, we feel Canadians understand that dual citizenship is only an issue if you’re a candidate for a Party we don’t support.”

The Conservative Party of Canada leader, who claims he wanted to be Prime Minister for as long as he can remember, never thought he would actually be handed the opportunity.

“We’ve just been blindsided by this whole thing,” the Party leader said with a dimpled grin and dead eyes. “I mean, you’re born, you almost complete your education, you meet a girl, fake a career, and then boom! A decade and a half later people are like – ‘wait, I don’t know if an American should be Prime Minister of Canada’.”

“It’s really caught us off guard,” he said, while crossing his fingers behind his back.

Scheer admits he has filed his American tax returns as is required by law for American citizens living outside of the United States, but he’s not sure how many times he has done so. Party spokespeople insist that’s not weird at all.

“At this point and time, we are only authorized to say that Andrew Scheer has been employed as a Member of Parliament since 2004. You do the math.”

This post is satire.

Deirdre Mitchell-MacLean

contact: [email protected], [email protected]

Twitter: @Mitchell_AB for all the commentary; @thisweekinAB for posts; @politicalRnD to guess “who tweeted that”?

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