Satire

LGBTQ Groups Launch Straight Conversion Therapy to Fight Back

Fulfilling every “totally straight” guy’s worst nightmares, prominent LGBTQ groups have announced that they will be starting up straight conversion therapy camps to spread the gay to more of the population. 

“We are up against it with all these Churches and their pray away the gay therapy,” said Dick Harder, the lead on the project. 

“We know the religious right has been trying for over 2000 years to hide the gays amongst themselves, and we’re just really worried that at some point it might work, so we want to get in front of this finally now that we’re running the majority of western democracies,” he continued in a media availability. 

The project will start right here in Canada, with hockey teams and drunken frat parties being their first recruiting venues.

“We know these guys are total dude bros, but we think given our experiences in both, that the grounds are fertile to flip the breeders to our team,” said Harder. 

Besides helping with their repressed sexualities, the project aims to end the climate crisis by helping reduce unwanted pregnancies and abortions caused by dudes trying to show how straight they are.

“There’s something for everyone in this project,” concluded Harder. 


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